I am retarded, as evidenced in the title. I have found out a few things while on this trip to Denver that I would like to share with you. This is why I am retarded (or cool, depending on how you look at this).
1. After I turned 30, I have noticed more and more whiskers on my face. Now, these are not the little invisible blonde hairs, but these are the thick, black wiry whiskers that pop up on my neck, cheeks, and chins. Anyone else have this issue? I have been spending more and more time with my tweezers than I ever thought I would.
2. I miss my cat as if she were a child. I have my ex boyfriend watching her while I am out here visiting her and I have called almost each day to see if she is eating and see if she misses me and to make sure that the is being taken care of.
3. This one should be obvious by #2. I am retarded because I had my EX watch my cat. Now he thinks this is another way back in.....backfire! Abort Abort! I hoped that we could be friends, but as I am finding out I have a very special talent of being able to attract only men who cannot let go when the relationship is over.
4. I spent 4 hours tonight at my BFF's house going through notes that she saved since the beginning of time. WOW. So much fun to read all of those notes, but they really all consisted of someone wondering why Christine (me) is mad, or if someone is mad at Christine, or why Christine only has bad things to say. And here, for all these years, I thought I wasn't popular with my friends.....who knew that they obsesses over whether or not I was mad at them all of the time!
5. I am retarded because I came out to Colorado during the worst heat wave in at least a decade, and I didn't bring a single pair of shorts!
6. Retardation has caused me not to utilize the time off of work by exercising and trying to fit into any of my shorts!!!
I am sure that there are many other reasons that I am retarded---but these hit the major points as I have come to understand on this trip to denver.
Right now I am watching the Two Corey's on A&E.......it's like a train wreck of an addiction. This is brilliant programming and perhaps, #7 on my reasons that I am retarded- that I can not stop watching the Two Coreys. I need to know what happens!
I'm cool.
3 comments:
Christine,
Don't worry, you're not retarded, you've just become more Californian :)
p.s. Just wait till you get closer to 40. The hairs on your face multiply (I could grow a go-tee if I wanted) and for no reason what-so-ever parts of your body just seem to break down (right now my left knee isn't very happy).
I heard It gets worse but don't want to think about it, What I wouldn't give to be 18 all over again; oh the many, many things I'd do differently!!!!
Have a safe trip.
What, more hair to come? This is not good!!! Why do men get better as they get older and women seem to break down????
But alas, more Californian....not necessarily a bad thing, right????
Oh no you are turning into Mrs. Curtis....AHHHHHHHHH!
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