If I were a rich girl......

Everyone fantasizes about being rich. We all sit in our cubicles and dream about calling in rich after we win the lottery. Men typically dream about the women they could land- what cars or remote controlled helicopters they could buy (think Bruce Jenner).

I think about what plastic surgeries I would have. First, anyone that knows me understands that I would have to be SO rich that I would sleep under a blanket of 50 dollar bills. So for me to think about surgeries- it's a little out of the norm. But at any rate- these are the things I would do if I were a rich girl. I would have full body laser hair removal. This would be the most awesome thing in the world. Think about it- if I could take my hair off every night before I go to bed- OMG-I would never have to pay $250 for a cut and color again! I would never be the victim of a bad hair day! I wouldn't have grey hair (I had my first at 14....THANK YOU VERY MUCH!) Can you imagine never having to shave your legs, or your pits-- or your face again? That would be awesome. I am so over trying to shave my shins or around the back of my ankle with a new razor only to slice a 3" long piece of skin off which id left curled in the end of the pink razor forcing me to pick it out to continue my shaving while I am bleeding to death. Fuck that! And for those little whiskers that pop up overnight and overtake my chin....NO MORE.

Imagine never having to pluck eyebrows again. I figure my face would be like a dry erase board. I could walk around and draw on the eyebrows to match the expression that I am trying to convey. This way I can get uber botox (thus paralyzing my face) and not have to worry about the side effects. I can just wipe off my eyebrows and draw on new ones to match the emotion I wish to conevy! BRILLIANT!!

I would also have my turkey gaggle removed. And my fat arms.....I think that instead of actually working for thin arms, I would just pay for arm transplants. I want arms like Angela Basset- only arms that would match me.....and I would get a tummy implant-- I figure if I have all my internal organs removed, I, too, can have a flat tummy! Who needs a stomache anyway? No one that lives in my neighborhood!!!!

Finally- I would get dentures. I would never have to floss again, never hear a dentist drill again, and I could have chicklet like teeth that would light a dark room. God- I would be hot--- but then again- I wouln\n't be me....I would be Lindsay Lohan (no good waste of space)......