My Brilliance

So with my looming unemployment, I have decided that I will invent a couple of things to make a girl's life easier in order to make a zillion dollars and be able to live in my eating pants with no financial worries.

First, I am going to invent some kind of aparatus which will dry the toilet seat in the public restrooms. Ladies, I know that a lot of you feel my pain. Girls are at a HUGE disadvantage when in a bathroom because whether we like it or not, likely that we will have to touch the toilet. Some people may go the extra mile and put that toilet seat guard on the seat. Really, who are we kidding? That is a simple THIN piece of tracing paper that never stays on the seat anyhow, and when the seat is wet (which it almost always is) the wetness comes through the thin paper and latches on to your ass anyhow. The other alternative is the hovercraft move but that can be awkward with high heels and tight pants on and you risk falling partially into the toilet OR falling completely down all while peeing on yourself because balancing above the toiler but not sitting is bard work. As I see it women end up having to sit on a toilet seat that is wet. Either it's wet from other pee (EWWWEEE) or the turbo flush 8000 sprayed excess water onto the seat when it flushed from the previous user. Either way- COOTIES. So I think that some kind of method to dry off the toilet seat would be a huge step forward in the progress of womankind.

Next, I would like to invent a book light that is actually good. I have a book light now that clips onto the book and shines the light on the top part of the left page-- but the rest of the pages are a little difficult to read. How hard can this be?

Third, I think that I will invent a hair band that DOESN'T lose shape and get all stretched out after I use it the first two times (and one that my cat isn't going to play with).

Fourth- and I this would go for guys too- I am in desperate need of socks which I can wear with my loafers (SHUT UP, loafers are COOL) without them falling down and turning around so that the heel of my sock is on the top part of my foot after four steps. That is the most annoying thing in the world. I mean, seriously, we put a man on the moon, can't we get socks that stay in place?

the next critical thing missing from my life is a black material that I can have a suit or dress made out of, Machine washable, that doesn't attract every single piece of cat hair from my whole block. I have a tape roller in my house, in my car and at my desk, yet I still have a ton of cat hair on my clothes at all times. I have just given up trying to get it off!

These are only a few of my ideas. I think that I may have a lot of free time on my hands in the coming month, so I will come up with more-- but I feel if I invent these things that I will never have to work again!