I'm baaaaaaack.......

Wow- it's been a long while since I found myself in the spirits to blog again.  After about 2 months back home, I am finally inspired to share my pearls of wisdom with my readers....all 1 of you.  For any others who are reading....tell your friends....tell your enemies....tell everyone to read everything I write so I can finally retire and live the lifestyle I SHOULD already be accustom to.

I decided to leave my carefree Los Angeles days behind and move back to my hometown and for my long awaited return, I would like to share my initial observations of the differences between LA and Denver.  Of course there are the obvious differences....there is no beach (and as such no Paradise Cove) in Denver;  rarely is there a $500,000 in my rearview mirror out here; the only disasters I was truly concerned about in Los Angeles were riots from thousands of stranded drivers halted on their way home because the Brittney Spears decided to grab a coffee on Melrose or Michael Jackson's body was being transported to UCLA, (oh, and the president's visiting too was a drag); since I have been back in Denver there have been no fewer than 5 tornado warnings with blaring sirens and all, horrific wild fires and flash flood warnings.  And thus I am brought to my first comment about Colorado and things that happen only here:  EAS warnings.

Emergency Alert Systems occur when there is an imminent threat (usually weather related).  Not once when I lived in LA were my beloved television programs interrupted (every 10 minutes or so) with alarms and an actual warning.  It's not like ticker tape at the bottom of the screen (like it used to be) telling you that there is a weather warning of some sort, but they actually black out the screen and have a loud siren sound while some dude (that sounds like he is in a newsroom) tells us why there is a weather warning.  First, Angelinos may be shocked to hear that there are many different types of weather alerts out here.  There are severe thunderstorm watches, severe thunderstorm warnings, tornado watches, tornado warnings, flash flood watches, flash flood warnings-- (here I will digress for a moment....these are only the summer weather warnings.  There is a whole different set for the winter....and my GOD there are more weather people and instruments like the super duper doppler 7000 zx now offered in ultra high res HD to tell you all about these various types of weather...another blog for another time).  Anyhow- back to the point:  recently there were flash flood warnings.  The dingus announcing the flash flood warnings actually says: "do not drown".  I am so grateful that I now live in a place where the television tells me not to drown.  The fact that they have to say it is one thing, but as I listened to the guy telling me not to drown, my first thought was that if I was physically close enough to the TV me to hear it tell me not to drown-- mind you the TV didn't tell me HOW to not drown, just told me not to do it--  I think I should be more worried about being electrocuted by that very same TV because I would have to be standing IN shit creek holding my TV in my hands for that warning to help.  Ironic how something can save you and kill you all in one afternoon.  But, as they say, if you don't like the weather out here, wait 5 minutes- it will change.

My next observation is the traffic.  I didn't like traffic in LA.  I lived 18 miles from my job and if OFTEN took me over an hour to get there...or back.  In LA it isn't that there aren't enough roads- there are 17 ways to get from Hollywood to anywhere in Southern California- or that there are too many cars (there are plenty of roads, plenty of room).  My issues with Angelinos behind the wheel are these:  a more expensive car does NOT mean that the rules don't apply to you; indicator signals are used for the express purpose of indicating where you would like to go...if you want to change lanes, use your blinker...and when you have changed lanes and are in your lane of choice turn your signal off.  The signal is not, nor will it ever be, an entitlement to be used concurrent with changing lanes.   Even though every parking spot in LA is labeled for compact car, a Range Rover is not compact.  If you live in LA and want to park your car, don't drive a douche bag car- simple!  Here, things are so much different.  First, there are basically three main freeways- the 70; the 25 and the 225.  So there are not ebough roads, and not nearly enough escape routes.  Since every single road in Colorado has road construction delays but without ever having actual construction done, I often find myself at the mercy of the mack trucks and solid lines that one cannot cross because "fines double in construction zone" (what a racket....road construction zone....really?).  I love the fact that I can go to Target, not pay to park there, and have the chance to park far enough away from other cars that no one will open their door into my car or vice versa.  However, no matter where I park when I come out of the store there is ALWAYS a minivan parked right next to me.  And people who drive mini vans are NOT good at parking...again- more for another time.  And what is the deal with round-abouts?  This is the dumbest traffic invention of all time....people don't stop for stop signs and they sure as hell don't want to stop for another car.  Wow-- the land of roundabouts.  The first time I had to use one when I got here I was sad that no one was in the car when I said "hey kids, there's Big Ben, Parliment".  WAY too many good jokes are wasted in an empty car.....

So, though there are several more observations I can make, and trust me- I will make them.  I am known for a lot of things- but silence, tact and grace are not amongst them.  My final commentary for tonight is that as I build another life back here in Denver, I can only hope that there are other faithful and unashamed reality television watchers with whom I can laugh away my lonliness.  I hope to find another crowd of people who love a night at a live show- be it in a bar or an outdoor concert.  I hope to find new friends who can share my insatiable love of books and literature.  I know that I will never replace my good friends in Los Angeles...and I hope there are a lot of them reading this.  Maria-- you always give me such confidence in writing; Tanisha- I miss you taking me to new places and our long talks; Joey- I miss your laugh; Kristina- I miss being bad with you; Jena- I miss how you always get my awesome references.  But as I get older I know that no matter where my friends are- Jill- I will get to Boston and visit- and then we will go to New Orleans; Krista- I will visit when you are in Washington...I don't like Texas that much!--I know that home is where your friends are and where you are most loved.  I am happy to be close to some childhood friends again- Erin, Valerie and many others.  I am moved to action to FORCE Allison to read a good book and thrilled that she has introduced me to some really cool people who love to read too!!  And then there's my actual family... my crazy dramatic animal freezing mother, my hilarious tiny footed father and my giant brother and sister in law (I am still shocked that my brother is married, and a dad).  Finally, I get to see Charlie grow up and though I don't know where my path will lead me- I may live here for the rest of my life or only for a short time- but my hope to be as big a part of Charlie as my beloved Aunt Julie was (is) of me...then it won't matter where I live!  So long as I am fantastically needy and hilarious, then I will always be loved!  :)