Size 10

I read today on Yahoo that there is a model who is upset that she was airbrushed. And here's the kicker ladies- she claims to be a "plus sized" model (Crystal Renn) who was upset that her photo was enhanced to reduce her from a size 10 to a size 2 and made her boobs look bigger. I have so many problems with this, I don't know where to start....but you know that I will list them!!!!

1. Since when is a size 10 "plus sized"? I was a size 10 in 6th grade for Godsakes!

2. So Crystal is upset her photo was doctored......uhhhh.....hello? After 7 years of living in Hollywood, let me be the first to tell you that the people in the magazines don't really look like that! Marcia Cross is a GREAT example. She is gorgeous on the screen, but when she is walking around Westwood without the hair and makeup done, she looks like a tiny normal person (she's really skinny). Reese Witherspoon-- the only reason you would recongize her in a crowd is because she is actually 4 feet tall (I wonder if she needs extensions on her pedals?)

3. If I could ever be airbrushed to be a size 2 (and I don't think that there is enough magic in the post production world) I would so send that picture to all those bitches in high school (who now want to be facebook friends) who used to call me Chubbs.

4. Let us really define plus size, vs normal sized, vs. Hollywood sized. when I was a kid, plus sized meant there was an X next to the size and you had to shop in an entirely different store....or at least you were in a different section. Sure they may lure you in with donuts, but for some reason you weren't allowed to shop with the "normal" people. And then there is regular, which I would contend most of American women fit into. Flat tummy--- yeah right- not while there is a uterus in there!! We are all about 5'6 and a good healthy weight of 140 or so....give or take a few inches and pounds. Now let us turn our attention to Hollywood, where apparently you have to be an annorexic Amazon to be considered for ANYTHING. I just finished watching a whole season of America's Next Top Model where the focus was "petite" women.....the winner was 5'7. So apparently if you are taller than 5 feet and weigh more than a skittle, you are shit out of luck in this town!

5. Crystal is upset about the portyal of her boobs. She thought they looked too big. Well, make up your mind sweetheart. When have you ever seen a "plus sized" model with small boobs. yet, the opposite seems to be not found in narture but created in Lost Angeles- (not a spelling error) where a woman can weigh 98 pounds but have a DD cup. But really, pick your posion. If you are going to claim to be a plus sized model, then dammit-- have the boobs to prove it!!

6. There is a new webite (I don't know the name) but there are commercials about an online shopping experience for plus sized people only. The commercial features a blonde walking about acting all proud that there is this new site.....yet I don't see her muffin top! If I was walking around in Jeans with only a bra on, you wouldn't be able to see if my pants were unbuttoned or not because my Dunlap's has taken over (my belly DUNLAPED over my belt). In the commercial this woman is walking around with the top button of her jeans undone to imply they are too tight; the ad SHOULD show a woman changing from her slacks (jeans suck when you are fat) changing into ice-cream stained SWEATPANTS....because it's all about eatin' pants folks!

7. While we are on the topic (sort of) with modeling.....since when did chicklet teeth become expected? This is a phenomenon that I just don't understand.....I am not a smoker and for those of you who know me understand that I don't drink red wine because it sucks.....but my teeth aren't like Ross's teeth when he had them whitened. People who get their teeth to glow in the dark are stupid.

8. Finally (and I struggled to get this list in with only 8 points) what the hell is with tans? REALLY? I get a tan when I sit in the sun not because I have tanning-able skin but because I have freckles. I have never met another naturally tan person who doesn't have freckles. The people in magazines don't. When I get sun, one of two things will happen. Either I will have the illusion of a tan because all of my freckles will have colluded to create one GIANT freckle, or I will BURN and go from lobster red back to my normal pasty white. But here is where I am confused--- there is now a sin tax on tanning booths? So being tan is so important to people that the government is trying to make a buck out of them (yet not legalizing gay marriage.....???) but there are warnings all over the place (even on TMZ) about the dangers of skin cancer, yet there is a sin tax for tanning.


With all of this to consider, is it any wonder I am an alcoholic? (JUST KIDDING)...........:)