Generation Stupid

I am 32 years old and thrice divorced and I live in a van down by the river.......


Not really. I just wanted to get your attention, and see how many people out there knew where this reference came from. It's funny- good old fashion funny. I have been doing a lot of observation lately, and have come to the dismal conclusion that people under the age of 27 are lost. These are the people who will run the world one day, and they don't even know who Long Duck Dong is. Travesty.

I was talking to a kid who worked for me for a couple of weeks the other day. He's 20. Holy shit- I never felt old until the conversations with him. But then it all became so clear to me, this is why young people are heavily medicated and WEIRD- because they haven't been exposed to the basics. First of all, there are certain movies that have to be watched by all high school students. I thought it was a law, but apparently people graduating from high school this year have not all seen Ferris Bueller (I know, I was just as shocked) and have no idea how FANTASTIC John Hughes was...... it's sad..so very very sad.

These kids also didn't have the grand experience of the first TRUE reality show. Remember when The Real World first aired on MTV (1990 or so). It was revolutionary and it was a lot more real than the shit I see on TV now. What the hell is the Hills all about.....and now the new one about NYC prep school kids. So let me get this straight, here I am, going to work each day and scraping by and these kids in NYC have a reality show because their rich lives of private school and trying to get into better colleges is more interesting than the reality the rest of us live in? And who the hell is Heidi anyway?

Another case in point. This 20 year old had never seen an episode of Cheers! WTF. I mean, how can you lead a meaningful and fulfilling life without Cliffy? How could you not have seen the episode that Cliff goes on Jeopardy? "Who are three people who have never been in my kitchen?" If you get that joke, you are cool for life. And he said that he "didn't get Seinfeld". WHAT? I thought he should be electrocuted for that comment. Who doesn't understand Seinfeld? I mean, seriously-- the Elaine dance? "Like a frightened turtle"..... I could go on and on with Seinfeld-isms. I think that I would be a fucked up person had I not had the wisdom of Kramer and Cliffy to help mold my young mind.

And then there are the movies. OMG, these kids have no idea the genius that is John Hughes. This kid didn't even know who Long Duck Dong is. Isn't that a crime of some sort? I mean, he had no idea what "the Hollywood minute" was on SNL, or who Matt Foley was. These things are so wrong, I just can't wrap my brain around the idea that this kid will be running the world one day. I wonder if my parents felt like this because I didn't watch reruns of Ed Sullivan? Nah, Ed Sullivan vs. Cheers- there is no comparison. The kids today are having to watch movies like Superbad- which, don't get me wrong, was funny...but it was no Revenge of the Nerds. Its a sad state of affairs when I can't go to a Halloween party as Sloth because I think that people won't know who it is! Today, kids watch South Park and think that it is great, but seriously folks, let us not forget the first season of Beavis and Butthead (before thstupid kids started to play frog baseball with REAL frogs)....and the early Simpsons episodes where Smithers was black..... Oh the glory days.

That's not to say that all of my generation are awesome because of the movies and TV that my generation produced....there is the music. Has there ever been anyone to rival Journey? Remember when MTV used to play actual videos-- Steve Perry and his beakish primordial appearance being tough in his tight jeans and sleeveless t-shirt. There is an Icon. Today, kids get to look up to 50 Cent....Is there any name dumber than that? SHIT...what happened to the good old days-- when Micheal Jackson was talented (and alive, and not a pedophile, and black, and cool)....Billie Jean is one of the best songs ever recorded. Put a Michael Jackson song up against a Chris Brown song....NO CONTEST.

Oh and the trends that we started.....who else misses the big hair and rolled up jeans. Ahhhh....good times.....good times. Today, kids are hardly dressed and have all kind of body parts pierced. When I was in school boys with an earring were looked at as kind of strange, today.....there are nipples being pierced all over America tonight. Oh, and remember the joys of saving up our money to buy posters for our room or the new Bon Jovi tape. So much less complicated in those days. We all had acne because our moms didn't subscribe to and couldn't afford good facial cleansers (I still get zits, can you believe it); a big night was going alone to the movies or to the mall (do kids even go to the mall anymore?). We all had only one pair of tennis shoes worn with three pairs of socks, a scrunchie or banana clip and we checked out library books with an index card and a stamp (remember learning all about the card catalog?). We watched films on actual projectors, and occasionally the film would snap and that would be the highlight of the day. We played "V" at recess, and the walkman the REVOLUTIONARY. My calculator has more speed than our first computer...with FLOPPY DISKS!

I am sure that every generation feels this way, that the newer generations are stupid and lost. Not that I don't see some of the value in what kids have done and technology (did I seriously ever live without a cell phone and email?); but there has been an indelible line drawn in the sand between us and them with the death of the VCR and the birth of Blue Ray. Do they even make Real Genius on Blue Ray? What the hell is Blue Ray?