Wow, I have been gone for a while! I was reminded recently that I used to have a blog when my friend who is about to move to Thailand sent me the link to her blog. Oh yeah....blog.....
So here we go again. I will blame my long time lapse in blogging on reality television.
All of my loyal followers (all two of you) are quite familiar with my borderline obsessive infatuation with reality television. But, even I am calling Bullshit on a few of the new shows that have come out. First, I am still amazed that Dancing with the Stars is still a show. And there are a frightening amount of people who LOVE this show. I tried-- I really tried to like it. But I think I had to draw the line when Kate Gosselin was on it. I thought it was called Dancing with the Stars.....there was no dancing, and they aren't stars!! This year, not only do we have Dancing with the Stars, but we have Diving with the Stars (I think it's called Splash) and Celebrity Wife Swap. Are you kidding me? Seriously.....I don't want to see Wynona Judd trying to dance, I definitely don't want to see her try to dive (no one wants to see that) and I think that most of us don't want to watch her swap lives with some other washed up former star. I have mentioned this before, but I would like to take this opportunity to pitch a reality show that people will watch, and LOVE. I am talking about Celebrity Survivor. I can already picture how this show will revolutionize reality television. It will be spectacular. First, Jeff Probst would have to be one of the contestants.... that is a must. I would like to be the host and give the commentary that he always gives, especially during challenges. I was born to host Celebrity Survivor. Next, we have Lindsay Lohan- and her luxury item cannot be in pill form. When she gets voted off the island, she should be immediately dropped into a volcano. Just an idea..... The next guest would have to be Tom Cruise. I am not sure if a spaceship would drop him off or if he would be posing as a human being for this show, but his participation is a must. I think Alex Trebek and Pat Sayjak should be on the show- on opposite teams of course. While Trebek condescendingly informs his teammates of which plants are indigenous to the island they are on while Sayjack would be playing hangman in the sand....alone. And he would be losing. Jillian Michaels would be on the show, just because she would almost certainly make Tom Cruse and Pat Sayjack cry- we could take bets on how long it would take. I also suggest that Donald Trump be on the show-- I just want to see what happens when his hair is not frozen with hairspray. It would be fun to see if he would melt or spontaneously explode. There are so many "stars" I would like to see on the island, but I will close out this particular fantasy by saying that Bradley Cooper should be on one team while Mark Whalberg and Ted are on the other team. This is purely for scientific reasons... I want to see of Ted also thinks that Bradley Cooper looks like a douche bag and I would love to see Marky Mark kicking that guy's ass! Watching a bear outsmart Cooper is just a bonus. Like I said, scientific!
I have also noticed the plethora of true crime shows- including "I Killed My BFF", "Evil Twins", "Fatal Encounters", "Deadly Women", "Deadly Men," "Notorious", "Snapped", "Wicked Attraction," "Happily Never After", "Snapped- Killer Couples", "Unusual Suspects", "Deadly Sins" , "Scorned, Love Kills", "Blood Relatives", "Nightmare Next Door," "Disappeared," "My Evil Sister," and "Women on Death Row" just to name a few. Beating a dead horse??? The other phenomenon that I don't understand are the paranormal shows. We have "Haunted", "My Ghost Story," "My Ghost Story: Caught on Film", "My Celebrity Ghost Story," "Ghost Encounter," "Paranormal Children", "Unexplained", "Paranormal State,"Haunted Encounters", "Ghostly Encounters," "Paranormal State", "Alien Encounters," "Searching for Bigfoot,....I mean really? We can have 37 different shows about Ghosts but Arrested Development only made it 3 seasons? Something isn't right here. I think the next step in this sick progression will be something like "My Celebrity Sister's Ghost Killed my BFF". Hmmm, do you think that could be a show? Note to self, call A&E...pitch new crappy show.
But I digress, back to the new reality shows. There are now matchmaking shows, shows that follow arrogant and stupid Los Angeles real estate agents, very wealthy Angelino Persians who all love to drink too much while hating eachother, shows about the servers in swanky Beverly Hills restaurants, Housewives, Housewives and more Housewives- and the icing on the cake is a tie between the show about a little girl who really loves cake and speaks with such a strong southern accent that she (and her entire family) need subtitles and another show about some other rednecks who like to shoot ducks.....also with the help of subtitles. What happened to the good quality reality television? Remember when Teen Mom was pure and good? Remember the first couple of seasons of The Real World (I believe Real World New York aired over 20 years ago)? Remember when they used to play videos on MTV? Do they even make videos anymore?
The bottom line for this bored bitch blogger is that I am desperately hoping to see a new genre of quality reality TV- perhaps the person voted off the island or the loser of the sing off should be immediately executed? That would bring some ratings in! Maybe a public flogging for the loser of the immunity challenge. I implore you, very high powered tv executives, think outside of the box for a bit. Give us a Celebrity contest where the loser is dropped into the middle of Kansas and must walk to civilization.
Oh wait- I gotta go- "World's worst tattoos given to evil sisters by rapid monkeys during a major renovation of a condo in Canada" just started.......
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