Monday, June 20, 2011

Irony isn't just what you do to wrinkly pants.....

It's been two months since my last post, and I owe everyone an apology.  Thank you for finding the courage and the strength to soldier through all those days without my humor and wit to light your path.

Over the past few weeks I have been thinking about how ironic life can be.  Let me share with you a couple of my observations.

This is NOT an invite to chime in with your opinions about health care and whether or not it should be public or private.  I just would like to point out some of the inconsistencies of the current programs.  I have health insurance through work-and I am grateful for that.  But I find it very interesting that when I need to fill a prescription, I have to pay $10 for the copay.  Which, on the surface, would be fine; except for the fact that my Ambien only costs me $3.00.  So by my estimation my insurance company is more vested in my sleeping a full night than not getting pregnant?  And, my Xanax is $5- so again- my insurance would rather I be calm and asleep than pregnant- gauging by the costs of things.

And then, I get a cold sore.  I am plagued with cold sores when I get stressed out, too tired, or someone looks at me strangely.  Cold sores are not only painful and really ugly, and impossible to cover with make-up (have you ever tried to put power on an oil slick and make it blend in?) but they are ugly and contagious.  So the prescription only cream that helps them go away isn't covered by my health insurance at all- so it costs about $95 for a tube of cream as big as Abreva (which is $20 a tube and doesn't work all that well).  Wow- first, why do I need a prescription for a cream.  Is it addictive?  does it have a high value on the black market?  What's the deal with that?  No I can't get cold medicine without showing my ID and I can't afford the prescription cream for the cold sores that I get, but I can get 30 xanax for $5.  Strange?

I watch the women in my city, the women on TV (even "reality" tv) and combined, they all weigh less than my left leg.  I am not thin, I am chubby, or a little fat (if you want to be a dick about it) but my doctors and all of the charts and professionals always tell is that being 15 pounds over weight is better than being 15 pounds underweight.  In theory, I should be good.....yet everytime I go to a store, even though I haven't gained any weight, the size of pants that fit me before are now too small.  I am convinced that they are just making the sizes different.  what used to be a 10 is a 12 and will soon be a 14.  14 is now considered "plus size" where as before it wasn't until size 18 or more.  When I was younger the size zero was hard to find (I know, how the hell would I know- is that even a size); and then there were some size 2, and some size 4, but 6 was pretty much the smallest.  Remember Pretty Woman telling "Brig" in the first store she got the black dress in that she was a size 6?  That was 20 years ago girls---- now she would be a size 2 or smaller.  I wonder when there will be negative sizes?  Maybe rather than being called negative sizes they will be called "the Leanne Rimes" or the "Nicole Richie" or "Herione Whore" (Heroine Sheik, REALLY Gucci?  Heroine is not Sheik!!!!)

I have been told on numerous occasions that I use too many big words and that the lay-person has a hard time following some of my conversations.  Since when is idyllic a hard word to understand?  HEH?  Catastrophic should not be a word that pauses a conversation....and though the act of flatulence can sometimes not only pause a conversation put clear a room, the meaning of the word should not be lost on people.  For anyone who doesn't understand the word...I flatulate on you.

And finally... is it ironic that we live in such a health conscience country that the calorie count is now labeled on the individual items on the drive thru menu at Wendy's?  Yet this is the same country that has a fast food restaurant advertising a 50 piece McNugget meal for $10 (I think that's the price).  An avocado sells at Ralphs for about $1.50o-$2.00 A PIECE.  I can get 4 boxes of mac and cheese for that.  Milk now costs almost $5 a gallon....but I can get a 12 pack of soda for $4.00 and the soda doesn't spoil.  Fresh spinach sells for about $4.00 in one of those pre-cleaned packages; I can get 2 boxes of pop tarts for the same amount of money- and once again I notice that the pop tarts don't spoil and you don't even have to cook them.

Ironic-- right?

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