As many of you know, I have lost yet another job! So, I am back to having time on my hands so that I can report to the general public all of the fascinating goings-on in the land of West Hollyweird, while you are at work.
Apparently, this is the year anniversary of MJ's death. I have never seen so many TMZ specials, Hollywood Insider special reports and other "documentaries" reflecting on a life so special, but lost so young. Really? Did anyone really think that MJ would make it to old age? Did we really think that we would be celebrating his retirement? I would have only given him 1 more year before his face collapsed on itself or he became so white he actually became transparent (which can't be good for you). Either way, the new look would have severely derailed his dating life as little boys would run away screaming from that disaster. All the ice cream and Neverland Adventures in the world would have saved him from dying of loneliness after the collapse of his face.
Moving on. Yesterday, I was actually productive, while still not having to get dressed!! I decided to go out to the back porch to water my plants when what should I hear, but a scratching and screaming coming from the trashcan next to my back door. What the Hell? Then I see it, a possum....in about 4 feet of water and other shit that has accumulated in the trashcan over the last who the hell knows how long. Awww crap. I can't let this thing die, but I don't want to touch it. I HATE POSSUMS. So I do the honorable thing, get my broom, and knock over the trashcan to free the possum from it's watery grave. Unbeknownst to me, this was not the first possum to meets its maker in the trashcan. So when I pushed the trashcan over and the little, disgusting possum ran away from me, I noticed the exploded body of another possum that had seen better days. EWWWE. As an apartment renter in West Hollywood, I don't have access to a lot of shovels, or any type of gardening tools which would help me with the necessary burial. Why was this necessary, you may ask? BECAUSE THERE WAS AN EXPLODED POSSUM on my back porch. And like Richard said "that thing out there, it's not an air freshener, its a dead rotting possum carcass"... and I had to do something about it, quick. But the lack of a shovel proved to be problematic. So, I had to make do with what I had. Thank GOD I happened to have the mother of all cat sand scoopers.....and it did the job nicely. The exploded possum and all its innards were nicely scraped into a box and thrown away. I should be sainted!
Stay tuned for my other adventures as an unemployed loser with nothing better to do than download Darth Vader breathing for my cell phone and find clever ways to introduce brilliant movie quotes into every day conversation.
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